2) Bernard Woolley: "That is why that torpedo landed on Sandwich Golf Course."
Jim Hacker: "Sandwich Golf Course? I didn't read that in the paper."
Bernard Woolley: "No, of course not: there was a cover-up. The members just found a new bunker on the 7th fairway the next day."

3) Sir Humphrey: "Prime Minister, I must protest in the strongest possible terms my profound opposition to a newly instituted practice which imposes severe and intolerable restrictions upon the ingress and egress of senior members of the hierarchy and which will, in all probability, should the current deplorable innovation be perpetuated, precipitate a constriction of the channels of communication, and culminate in a condition of organisational atrophy and administrative paralysis which will render effectively impossible the coherent and co-ordinated discharge of the functions of government within Her Majesty's United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland."
Jim Hacker: "You mean you've lost your key?"

4) Jim Hacker: "Don't we ever get our own way with the French?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well, sometimes."
Jim Hacker: "When was the last time?"
Sir Humphrey: "Battle of Waterloo, 1815."

5) Jim Hacker: "What am I going to do with all this correspondence?"
Bernard Woolley: "You do realize you don't actually have to do anything, Minister."
Jim Hacker: "Don't I?"
Bernard Woolley: "Not if you don't want to, we can draft an official reply."
Jim Hacker: "What's an official reply?"
Bernard Woolley: "It just says The Minister has asked me to thank you for your letter and we say something like The matter is under consideration, or even if we feel so inclined under active consideration."
Jim Hacker: "What's the difference?"
Bernard Woolley: "Well, under consideration means we've lost the file, under active consideration means we're trying to find it."

6) Jim Hacker: "Who else is in this department?"
Sir Humphrey: "Well briefly, Sir, I am the Permanent Under Secretary of State, known as the Permanent Secretary. Woolley here is your Principal Private Secretary, I too have a Principal Private Secretary and he is the Principal Private Secretary to the Permanent Secretary. Directly responsible to me are 10 Deputy Secretaries, 87 Under Secretaries and 219 Assistant Secretaries. Directly responsible to the Principal Private Secretary are plain Private Secretaries, and the Prime Minister will be appointing 2 Parliamentary Under Secretaries and you will be appointing your own Parliamentary Private Secretary."
Jim Hacker: "Do they all type?"